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08:44pm 18/02/2007
  So I have had some really strong feelings of apprehension about Ryan and I lately. I really hope it's because I just started the Pill last week and it's making my hormones wacky, but I don't know. I don't think Ryan has complimented me in a really long time, or told me why he likes being with me. A girl likes to hear things like that from time to time. Or even more often than that. Then, he kisses my forehead and I feel alright. The other night though, he was sleeping over and it felt like a stranger in my bed. Our physical connection is great, and keeps getting better, but I worry about the other stuff. I fear that it's been too long since we last bonded over something funny or intellectual. What's worse, I am afraid to open up this dialogue with him. I am afraid of the can of worms I might open if I ask, "are we ok?" I want us to be ok, and I really hope this is just all in my head. After my mom left this afternoon I asked him to come down and we just kind of sat around, not saying much of anything. We hadn't kissed all day, and I said so and we did. It made me a little happier, but still I was concerned. He always has so much going on in his head. Then he left to go do an online quiz for his Anatomy & Physiology class, and I started thinking about everything and I started to cry, silently. Just tears, pretty much. I have never cried so much in one week before, which is why I think this is a hormones thing do to the Pill.

In other news, my cell phone started acting weird today. I think if it continues like this, I'll have to take it back to the store on tuesday after I get out of workstudy, because I just got it a month ago. Hmm.

As well, my spring break is 3/3-3/11 (although I think I'll try to get back on 3/9, because there's a volunteering thing I want to do on 3/10). I am going to need to do stuff and see people, or else I may go crazy. Over Christmas all I did was play Sims and stuff. It was ridiculous. I know y'all have school that week, but I want to see you!

College is great, and today was my birthday. Apart from my stupid brain, it's been pretty good. I got the special edition DVD of Grease, and I love it. And my grandparents got me a really really ugly purse. It was great. My mom and brother came down and took me, Ryan, Marisa and her boyfriend Dave to lunch at The Middle East. It was pretty cool. Then we all went separate ways, and I got some new shoes to go with this adorable dress I found at H&M for 15 dollars. And I still have some leftover birthday cake which is really good.

I feel much better now. I hope Marisa gets back soon from where ever, because I want to put on my dress and shoes and watch Grease or something. I think I'll go ahead and put the dress on now for kicks anyway.
08:17pm 28/10/2006
mood: drinking coffee
It has been a ridiuclously long time since I've updated. College is incredibly busy. I have a six page paper due monday which I keep procrastinating on.. Not a good habit. But hopefully tomorrow the pressure will help me get it done and churn out an awesome paper.

Kyle and I broke up last month over the phone. It had been more than time. It took 7 minutes. And it was surprisingly mutual. It was getting to the point where it had to happen. Going to college with a b/f or g/f back home, definately not a good plan. I've got a new relationship already. Not a rebound, because it's most of the reason I had to end things with Kyle... It's awesome to have someone here. And the same age as me. A year does make a difference.

Anyhow. I've taken like 8 naps today. Life here is pretty exciting, I guess. I haven't gone out in a while, but I've still had a good time. Last weekend actually we went to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror in Cambridge and it was AMAZING!! People were acting it out on stage in front of the movie. SO awesome. And the preshow... insane.

That's about it.

Come to Boston.
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10:07pm 28/08/2006
  Friday I move down to my dorm in Boston. I am so excited. Classes start on the 6th. It's really cool, having all this new stuff to look forward to. It will be a refreshing school year.  
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12:55pm 04/08/2006
mood: hungry
Five more days of my part-time rec. job. here's how it all plays out:

5 more days of EDO (early drop-off), which entails me getting up as early as 5:30 am in order to get ready and out the door at 6:40 to ride my bike 10 minutes to the community building, where I wait for kids to show up and keep them entertained for an hour until rec. actually begins.

4 more days of LPU (late pick-up), where on monday I ride my bike back to the community building to yell at kids when they go too near the pond, and observe shirtless Curran trying to teach lacrosse with Keely for 2-3 hours. tues-thurs I play spit with the jr/explorer group and roll my eyes at the naivete and silliness of adolescence.

3 more days of Kinder Gym, where I pretend to play with kids ages 2-4. And pray that there are no diaper dillemas. And cringe when someone inevitably takes a fall and starts screaming. and that's just the parents. just kidding.

do I hate my job? no. i'm just glad it's nearly over.

Then I have a new job, babysitting for this girl who goes to rec. Since rec will be over, and her day care provider moved north, i networked a bit and got the job. 3 weeks, and it should pay better than my part time gig currently does, since no taxes get taken out.

That's my life right now. I hope we can go shopping tonight. I need jeans and bras. And tops too. Kohls is having a sale.

Single-brew coffee makers are SO expensive.
09:37am 15/06/2006
mood: chipper
Soo I'm graduated. Summer vacation like any other. Got some exciting stuff in the mail today. I haven't seen it, but my mom called from the post office and asked if she could open one for me, and it was reaaaaally good news from this scholarship place; I am the elated recipient of a $5000 renewable scholarship! That's $5000 less that my mom will have to take out loans for!
Other mail was: (most likely) housing assignment and roommate info, letter from NEU student government(??), and two cards which hopefully contain some cash because I did send out graduation announcements and everything. And everyone knows that just means send money. One from my uncle mike, which should be pretty nice, and then one from some family friends.
Also, I joined facebook and I'm making friends with other future Northeasterners. It's exciting.

What else? I have been spending waaaaaaay too much time on the computer, but my mom is emailing me all the info about my housing sitch and roommates, so I think I'll just kill time until then! Hey, it's better than watching TV all day!
06:20am 17/05/2006
  I had a dream last night, about Mugg. There was some kind of social event, and when i got there i was holding this expensive bracelet for carrie frost. she took it and some how it fell down and shattered into tons of pieces. Then I was in this room, and so was mugg, and we started talking, and then we were talking about how we dont talk or hang out anymore and i started crying, and so did she. she said something like she'd make it up to me, so she drew me a picture. i cant remember what the picture was, but it was something fromm a dream i'd had before then.

i was thinking last night about how i have no friends. becky, sure, she's my friend, but for how long? we are practically the same person, which makes for fun times, but you know i wish those people i have a history with were still around.

agh. i have got to get ready, so i guess i'll leave this here.
09:00pm 07/05/2006
mood: sunburnt
it's been forever!

so, to quickly recap: economics still really sucks. sociology is still really fun. physics has it's ups and downs, and french is fabulously fun. work is providing a decent income, which will all (most likely) be blown on the Quebec trip.

some happenings in may: we got a new puppy today. pictures coming soon. he's a 4 month old australian shepherd, and extremely adorable. next weekend there is a yard sale for international club. then the weekend after that is prom (dating down so worked out here). annnd hopefully by then I will know what i'll be doing for work over the summer. I could have two jobs, or i could have three. or i could just have one. we'll see. it'll be either one full-time at Snell's, or two part-time, snell's and hollis rec. or it could be one full-time(somewhere secret, if i get the job then you'll hear about it) and then one part-time at snells. or full-time at that secret place and part time at both rec and snell's. we'll see what happens :) i'd like the last two options best.

graduation is so close, i can't wait!!
01:33pm 16/04/2006
mood: dorky
hooray for vacation. the last week was pretty chill. thursday and friday ms medeiros was gone, and we had the neatest sub, so econmics was not nearly as sucky as it usually is.
on wednesday i went to work for a couple of hour after school.
yesterday i worked a few hours, and then mom and i went to get some pictures developed at wal*mart. it was going to take a while, so we went to lunch, and then just for kicks went into this little boutique to look at dresses. we found a dress that's really nice, and it looks great on me, i just don't know if i want it for prom. i have a dress already. the one we found is great... but i dont know. $175 or something like that. they do alterations right in the store, so the length could be fixed. i just dont know. mom said we'll go back there later if i decide i want the dress.
after the dress nonsense, i finally used my build-a-bear gift card, and my new bear is adorable. my mom had more fun in that store than i did. it was nuts. but yeah, my mommy is the best. after that, we picked up my pictures and we'll need to go back because there's still like 36 that need to get developed but that's alright.

i have eaten so many jelly beans in the last three hours... i think i'm going to puke.
08:26am 09/04/2006
  it's been forever.

new quarter began this past week. found out that i got an 87 on my english final. not bad, i think. my new classes are sociolgy with heather dylan becky katja melissa gina andy brittany and kaylan (people i like/have/had other classes with) and economics. it's so boring. whatever, i'll get through it. i thought it would be a class that i could just mostly blow off the assignment, you know, do the homework but not put a lot of time and effort into it, but ms medieros isnt an easy grader, so i've got to fix that whole just-get-through-it mentality, because i dont want this to hurt me at all. a B would be great. on the first assignment i got a check minus, which is C work apparently, so yeah. i'm not really liking the class.

that's school. friday night mom and i drove down to boston for a welcome day at northeastern yeterday. We had our map quest directions and everything and we were going just fine, and then all of a sudden the way was blocked, so we couldnt get on to 93 or whatever it was we were looking for. instead, we had to get off with everyone else, and we had no idea where we were, so we just drove and drove, spotted a sign that said something like "alford 99" and we knew we had to get onto 99 at one point, so we got onto that road, and ended up in some old crappy warehouse district that had plenty of fast food joints. we really had no idea where we were, so we stopped at a gas station to ask how to get to cambridge. there was a cabby filling up, so we went and asked him. he was very nice about it. apparently, we were so close, all we had to do was keep on the same road, be sure to be in the left lane, and go through a tunnel, and then get on the right lane past some bunker hill college, and then we were there, pretty much! it was pure dumb luck that we actually ended up just where we were supposed to be (although probably not where our mapquest directions would have brought us). we overshot the turn onto my aunt's road, but then saw paparazzi's restaurant, made a few right turns and got back where we needed to be. i made my mom do a u-y on a red light, because cabbies and other people do the same thing all the time at that spot. and we were there! we unloaded our luggage and got the key, and it was only 8 o'clock. we kind of settled in, and then walked over to the galleria for dinner. we came back to the appartment and i went to bed.

we got up and showered very early the next morning. my mom got up before 6 for the first time in forever and we started getting our stuff together while we waited for 7.15 when we would be taking a cab to northeastern. we went down a couple minutes early, and the cab was already there, so that was good. he was from thailand, and made lots of conversation with us along the way, acting as tour guide. he was nice. (ps Checker Cab is cheaper than Metro Cab starting out by like 80 cents. this probably changes, but something to keep in mind while you're in boston)(the thai guy drove checker cab, and was much nicer than our metro cab driver, as well) we got to northeastern before 7.30, and check in didnt really being until 8. but we went to the curry student center, and there was no problem with checking in right then. there were bagels and muffins and donuts for us there, so we grabbed a bite to eat and just sat and chilled. this random girl came up to us at one point, and asked if i was a new student there, and well yeah, i will be. she was Maddie from New Jersey, and she just wanted to make a friend since she was there early also. she took the table next to ours and motioned her parents over. they were nice people, and we had a good time comiserating over then long drive to boston, and the usual stuff like 'what are you going to major in' etc etc. we seperated after a while, mom and i went to the bookstore just to look around. i picked out a sweatshirt, but we didnt buy it then so we wouldnt have to carry it around all day. at 9 there was this thing with the dean of the college of arts and sciences, which was pretty long and boring, until they had a student speak. that was pretty good. after that, they had eveyone go with their departments for an info session. it was a lot more indepth than mom and i thought it would be, and ended up leaving early to get to our financial aid appointment on time. that was about 40 minutes of me twiddling my thumbs while my mom asked a thousand questions about how to go about getting loans and such. basically, how we're paying for my college. i pretty much dont care at this point. i know that eventually i'll have to do some of that, but as long as i'll be there in the fall, i dont really care about that nit-picky stuff. we'll manage somehow, we always have. after that we went on a residence hall tour. saw an "economy double" in freshmen housing. it's not too bad, but i cant believe they use that same size room for an "economy tripple" that's crazy.and then we got to see a upperclassmen apartment. not too bad.. that was all for that tour. mom and i went and got lunch, which was free. then we went over to where we thought International hall was. they have suite living for freshmen in 'living learning communities' and i selected the international llc on my housing survey thing. we got an RA to give us a tour, and got to ask questions. it was pretty nice. much better than the economy double we saw before. and basically the RA told me that i wont have any problem getting into international hall, since i've already submitted my deposit. i guess they have trouble sometimes filling those places, so they actually have to select people from those who dont care where they are sleeping. so i'm pretty excited. at the time when we got back to the curry student center, it was too late to go to some 'transition to college' presentation, so we just picked up some fliers from tables around, and settled in for a bit. we actually ran into maddie's parents and stood and chatted with them for a while. at 2 o'clock there was something that the dean had mentioned back at the nine o'clock presentation, and mom and i didnt know exactly what it was but we thought, what the heck, let's go to it. it was a session with recent alums. they all told their experiences at northeastern (mainly about co-op) and then there was a short q and a. there werent very many people at the thing. maybe 8 families. i guess everyone else was too tired. i got to talk with this armenian guy who had majored in international affairs and modern languages, so that was pretty cool. and the dean came around giving out his business card and telling students to email him with comments and suggestions about the alum session, or about the whole day itself. he wants to be really involved with students, and wants to improve stuff. after that, we left and stopped at the bookstore to get my sweatshirt, and then finally cought a cab back to auntie elinore's place. we relaxed and finished packing up. then we went over to the galleria and i tried on clothes at H&M. i got some cute comfy brown linen pants, and then we went back to the apartment and took everything out to the car, returned the key, and got on the road. there was no problem getting back to maine at all. we even managed to get into the right lane at the toll booths without incident. we ordered sandwiches from your country store, and brought them home. basically, i fell asleep really fast. but i woke up at 7. that was lame.

i have physics homework.
10:01pm 28/03/2006
mood: chipper
update on college news:

Acceptances: 2
Rejections: 1
Waitlist proposal: 1
Waiting to hear from: 2

Now BU wants me, but only in their "General Stuides" college, which I think looks incredibly lame, and BU was like #5 on my list, and they're also saying I would only get like $4,000 paid each year. Heeeell no. I dont want to have $100,000+ to pay back when I get out. So Eff-U BU. heh. It rhymes.

Wheaton sent a waitlist thingy to me, but they were like #3/#4, so I don't really care. I didn't fall in love with the campus or programs or anything, so I am just gonna chill on that one.

So Northeastern is my only tangible offer right now, although we still don't know what the financial situation will be with them. Hopefully really good. I wanna go there so bad.

Waiting for Wellesley(snobby all-girls school in Mass.) and Haavaad. I'm still kinda anxious to see. It would be so wild to get into Harvard. seriously. I doubt it will happen, so it's not like my life will be over if I don't get in. It'd just be neat to get accepted. Even wait-listed. We'll see.

Review notebook for English. 3 more days. Yessss!
06:35pm 24/03/2006
mood: enthralled
so i was able to check online for my Colby admissions thinger, and i didnt get in.

so i was kinda sad, because it was my number 2 choice.

and then my mom came home, and i gave her the bad news.

and then she was like "oh, that's too bad. but maybe you should have a look at this" and she pulls out a big envelope with the Northeastern logo on it. There was big stamp that said "CONGRATULATIONS" on the front.

I got into my first choice college. I am just thrilled to bits. When i saw the nvelope I started screaming and crying and hugging my mom. oooh i am so happy! now i can breathe a bit, because even if the four other schools i applied to don't want me i'll be ok because Northeastern does, and i should soon be recieving my finanacial aid package from them.

i am so excited. this is possibly the greatest moment of my entire life So Far.
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08:03pm 20/03/2006
mood: blank
things are pretty good so far this week, but then again it's only monday.
on saturday i began work at Snell's, which is quite nice. we basically just transplanted for 5 hours. i get paid 8$ an hour, so it's cool. the ladies that were working there were all pretty nice.

on sunday kyle came over and i made him watch office space and clean house. good times.

today was fine. english was not too bad, and physics was alright.
government was a complete waste, except a few of us were waxing philosophical towards the end of class which was fun. and french was really informative. algerian war and whatnot.

we finally got back to curves tonight, after a two-week hiatus.

and right now eternal sunshine of the spotless mind is on free hbo now.
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06:07pm 14/03/2006
mood: sore
i am awesome. if i really put my mind to it, i could get my brother to always be the one to wash the dishes. you see, he's always in his room playing some game online, and has pretty much nothing to do with what is going on outside of that. so. if i just tell him hey, mom wants the dishes done before she gets home and it's your turn, he may actually do them. like right not. i'm not sure that it really is his turn to do the dishes, but he is.

today was crazy. i actually got up on time and showered and went to school.

first of all, the bus came from the wrong direction. and there was only one person on when we got on it. which is so weird because it was on time and everything, but it should have been almost full, because we're at the end of the morning route. long story short, we had a sub who started at the wrong end of our route. it begins and ends on saco road, he just started on the wrong side. so we were a good 15 minutes late to school. whatever. we got there.

english was pretty blah. i just wanted to sleeeep. but no, there was the nonesense with tale of two cities and it's probably actually a book i would like, but i just dont feel like reading. that requires far too much effort. i also have to email the assertion section of my banned book essay to mr murphy tonight. i havent even started it. and the final product is due thursday. tomorrow night i'll be burning the midnight oil to bring it all together. i might end up rewriting it.

i'd just like to point out right now that there are 11 days left of the quarter which means only 11 days left of english. I, for one, am really excited. can hardly wait! two new classes!

physics was aight. meh. i think senioritis is finally starting to kick in!

government was incredibly boring.

french is the most fun class of the day.

that's how school is right now.

i need a weekend job.
11:38am 11/03/2006
mood: bored
i feel like doing a survey soooo.... here!

meepCollapse )

hmm. now maybe i'll get something accomplished. i hope.
06:45am 09/03/2006
mood: anxious
this morning rather than gracing the halls of bonny eagle i will be getting my wisdom teeth removed. 'tis vair vair exciting. i am a bit nervous. oh well, no big, really. i'll just have puffy cheeks for a bit, i suppose.

give me an excuse to be wicked lazy, i guess. i dont mind that really.
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10:07am 05/03/2006
  it's been a while. been kinda busy. school last week was fine. progress reports should come this week. i'm expecting a's in every class but english. hopefully english will be a B or so, still. high B, if i'm lucky.

that sat here all night.

today i'm going shopping with kyle and his family. should be fun. anywho. i hope we can go to panera for lunch. i love panera.

gotta get ready now.
10:28am 22/02/2006
mood: bored
this week has so far been pretty productive.
on monday i cleaned my rooms and for the most part they look pretty immaculate still. my brother has usurped a table so he can play AA uninterrupted by the crappy router. we need to call sacoriver and have them hardwire my brother to the internet in his room - no way in hell is he going to be down here all the time. i'm just glad he doesnt get up until after 1 during vacation, so i can use the internet uninterrupted by him.
yesterday i dod homework. fun homework. editing the half of the paper that i took from jen, and translating for french.
i need to take some notes for english. maybe i'll do that today. also need to think about a project for government and get some sources for research.
last night mom, kyle and i went to see the girls basketball team lose to sanford in the quarterfinal game at the civic center. it was only slightly pathetic. but kyle and i had fun. he visited for a little bit when we got back to my house, and then went home.
today, since everyone seems to be busy, i will take jessie for a walk. maybe go get registered to vote. who knows? i need to find my passport, then. it's my only official picture id. so yeah. i wont do that until my brother gets up. maybe.
09:11am 19/02/2006
mood: dirty
yesterday was my birthday. grandma calls and asks when we'll bring the computer over. she didnt wish me a happy birthday, which was odd. but apparently she thought it was the 28th. mom talked to her before we went over, so then she knew of course, but it was kind of funny in a sad kind of way.
so we took the old dell over and got it set up. they ordered a pizza from lisa's pizza and it was perhaps the worst pizza i'd ever eaten. it was gummy and greasy and just plain disappointing. anyway. then we had ice cream cake which was better... grandma gave me a present. there was a necklace which was cute... and this skirt she bought for herself at kohls when we took her shopping. she saw how my eye "lit up' when she tried it on... but that was just because i really wanted to get out of there.. so i figured if she just picked that then we could leave. silly grandma.

and then we had to mess around with the internet router because my brother is a gaming adict and my night turned rather hellish. i woke up this morning and found that the internet was down so i spent 25 minutes on the phone with linksys and it's fixed.. i hope. matt just came down saying that it wasnt working on his laptop, but that was a few minutes ago now...i am so unimpressed. but at 11 kyle's coming to get me and hopefully it will all be good once i get out of this goddamn house. if anyone wants to do something over the next week, i will be eternally greatful.
03:40pm 12/02/2006
mood: busy
so i'm going to get a new computer. a dell E510 with a 17'' flat panel monitor. I'm pretty excited. when we get that, i'll give this one to my gramma. because she is currently computerless and going through game withdrawrl. i feel so bad for my grampa, lol. so probably vacation week i'll get it.

i got my hair cut yesterday. i like it.

i cant find my digital camera and i'm a little worried because of recent events...

i'll be 18 in six days. i'm not that excited. i wont be doing anything special. i really dont feel like i could have a party. i dont really have any friends. sure, there are people i like and consider 'friends' but no one i can really celebrate this milestone-birthday with. i dont even want to do anything with my family. i dont know why. 18 isnt that great of an age. i can vote. woohoo. not such a big deal, after all. others could argue that, but for me, i really dont care. maybe because the immediate future is so far and so unsure. i wont know until april where i will be in the fall. that scares me a bit. before this, it's always been so easy to know. in the fall, i will be in such-and-such grade at such-and-such elementary/middle/high school. the future hasnt been there for my choosing, as it is now. i just go where i need to be. and now.. i just need to get through this year with good standing grades and graduate. and that's all i'm sure about. it is frightening. and not having a good group of people to celebrate my birthday with is really kind of depressing. of course there is kyle, and my mom and brother, but other than that, i dont really think anyone will want to be there. i know people like me. i just dont feel close to very many people this year. aaron and i have grown apart since i got a boyfriend. the only person besides kyle that i see outside of school is steph, and i guess we're pretty good friends, but with her i always have to stay positive and convince her that she is a worthwhile person. not the most fun friendship, actually. if she weren't always saying "my life sucks" i think we could be much better friends, and i would feel like inviting her to celebrate my birthday. as for everyone else... i dont know. i love you guys, but seriously, do we really know or care about eachother as much as we profess? i'm only being realistic here. it wont be hard for me to go to college next fall. i wont be leaving much. and i prefer it that way, actually.

this is getting way long. i need to finish analyzing Lady Chatterley's Lover in some journal entries. so. if you read all of that, maybe i should give you more credit as my friend.
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05:58pm 09/02/2006
  today was really long.
in english we played clue. which was cool.
in physics i sat and read Speak mostly. took some random notes. pretended to be a good student.
in economics i mostly just read. lied about doing my homework.
in french we did a listening comprehension thing. i didn't pay very much attention towards the end of it. i was too caught up in thinking about crackers and juice in newspaper.
i stayed after to get some questions answered for the physics lab, and then went to newspaper. there were many varieties of crackers, so i was a happy liz. but the apple juice was way sweet and kinda gross. anyway, it was refreshment. we couldnt do too much work on the paper because the printers have gone and changed the size of the paper they print on, so we will hopefully be able to get the larger size. it'll cost more, so hopefully the school will spring for it. our paper is award-winning, afterall.
kyle gave me a ride home, which was lovely. wayne was there fixing the back door when i got home.
i might go make dinner now. i feel kinda gross right now. hm.